For the past few weeks or more a couple of children have been bothering my elder daughter at school/while returning home by bus. Stuff that can be put off as ‘silly’ childishness. Stuff like teasing her, making faces at her or calling her names till she cried. But the fact is that it was bothering my daughter and it was not stopping even when she, under my guidance just chose to ignore them and keep her distance. Yesterday, it went on to her hair being pulled and things being taken out of her bag as she traveled with them in the bus.
That was when I decided to put my foot down. Because as a parent it is my first and foremost responsibility to teach my daughter that physical abuse, no matter how small, is not to be tolerated.
I accordingly spoke in school, just mentioning that unruly behaviour is happening and would the principal kindly look into the matter as the heckling was having a negative impact on my child. (she was getting frequent nightmares etc). The Principal of course, took it very seriously and internally the school handled the matter by reassuring my daughter that she would not be bothered anymore. She was escorted to the bus today and seated far from the trouble makers.
Apparently the counselor had a word with the concerned children as well. I am sure given the school’s stature it would have been handled subtly.
Now as we walk home today, the children obviously defending their fear by pretending that they do not fear, start making faces at her, which they think I do not notice. I do notice and would have just put it off as normal children silliness were it not for the fact that there they stood in all their glory, accompanied by their adult guides. And I am amused and saddened at the same time to note that the ones who should be guiding correct behaviour just stood by and watched the ‘fun’.
Amused because it explains to me why at such a tender age, tender aged children could go on and on over a month ganging up on one child (too much soap exposure?) and saddened because here were perfectly lovely children showing wrong behaviour and not being corrected about it. Apparently having fun by making fun of others is supposed to be just ‘bachpana’
And that lead me to wonder, here we cry foul about all that is wrong with our society and here we sit and teach our children that it is ok to make fun of others( or atleast don’t correct them when they do)? How then will they learn as adults to not laugh at the individual who is different from them? How then will they learn to find true joy in sharing and laughing with someone instead of at someone? Perhaps they won’t or perhaps with age they will figure out the right from the wrong. I love all children and consider them our future, our hope. Hence I am going to keep my hope alive, that guidance or not, one day every child will turn out capable of laughing with others instead of at others.
In the meanwhile, I refuse to teach my child to be ‘strong and brave’ by making fun of those who she deems ‘weak’. I have already guided her to ignore any future taunts, unless, it gets physical. Then she must speak up and defend herself. I have taught her that just like people calling her god won’t make her one, similarly people calling her weak or stupid won’t make her one either. eventually she will fight her demons and come out a winner for sure. I shall hope and pray that eventually the demons lose in all children, whether they are guided or misguided.
I am sharing my thoughts on this forum, because it is happening in this tiny community that I am part of. And if I can get even one parent to consider how teaching children to laugh with others and not at others is more valuable, then there will one more sliver of hope for a future of less cribbing about our woeful society and its standards.
Of course every one has their own way of bringing up their children. And I strongly advocate that there is no one way that is correct. But in this world there are some rights and wrongs irrespective of factors and environment and in my honest opinion turning a blind eye to making fun of others somehow does not qualify in the right column.
Thanks to all who took the time to read it and apologies to all who got irritated by an irrelevant post
Much regards,
a parent who wants every child in this world to shine bright like a star, not just her own 🙂
Small moments make a Big blog.. 